What made me go Keto

HI everyone! Welcome to all the new followers and readers!

I have shared a lot of recipes and keto tips so far but I haven't shared much personal stuff. Until now. Everyone has a breaking point - everyone has a reason why they make a life change. I thought it may help to not only talk it out but also to let people know that it's ok to tell your truth.

I have been overweight most of my life. I have had moments of being "skinny" - and normally that is a size 10-12. Skinny to me is average to society. I remember two major moments of achieving a "goal weight" and that was once in High School (1994) and once in 2004. All the in between moments were between a size 14-22.

I tried every diet known. Diet pills way back in the day (remember dexatrim?!). I have tried weight watchers (lost two lbs in 6 weeks), calorie counting, advocare, south beach diet (25 lbs in 2004), Atkins, Paleo, Clean Eating, Hydroxy Cut pills.... you name it, I tried it.

The only thing that has ever successfully worked for me was some sort of low carb approach. After understanding myself better and being diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome in 2014 (during fertility treatments),I realized why. I am insulin resistant. I don't process sugars/carbs the way an average person does.

You would think that would be reason enough to start a low carb diet immediately - nope. Couldn't bring myself the motivation to do it. Looking back on it - I was probably very depressed from failed fertility and was just emotionally eating my feelings instead of dealing with the sadness in other ways. Everyone has to come to the realization on their own when to pick yourself up from your bootstraps.

The reasons I started keto were much more self esteem driven.

February 2018, I went on a business trip to Michigan. I was on an older Delta plane - so the seats were a little slimmer than planes are currently (that is what I told myself). I couldn't fit. The seat belt wouldn't fasten. I was mortified. The poor person sitting next to me with my thighs pushed up against their skinny leg the entire flight. I turned the flight attendant light on and when she came over I lied - I told her I was pregnant and needed a seat belt extended. I swallowed my own sadness of pregnancy/fertility just to save face with the stranger sitting next to me and the flight attendant.

June 2018, went to Punta Cana with my husband. Jet Blue flight - the arm rest wouldn't go down between the two of us. The seat belt BARELY fastened. I was mortified.

September 2018, my husband and I attended an amazing show at Fenway Park - Pearl Jam. Our tickets were exceptional but they were in a seating area where they have metal seats from literally 1918. I couldn't sit down. And when I did jam myself in, I left welts on my thighs. Thank god we were at a concert and we stood the entire time. Again, mortified that my husband watched as my thighs, hips and butt could not fit in a seat. Welts on my thighs for days after that show.

You learn, as you get larger, to be funny. To tell self-deprecating jokes about yourself which somehow makes you feel more in power over your own being. It helps for awhile - be the jolly fat girl!

But then you realize you are doing things to cope.

• I would walk by mirrors or windows and look away

• I would get ready in the morning in a darkened room

• I would put my makeup on with minimal light

• I would only online shop because trying clothes on in a store was too much to handle

• I would stop taking seconds or stop eating if my husband stopped eating - if he kept going, I kept going.

• I would eat fast food in my car or grab many 3:00 PM snacks at work

My stomach was so messed up from the heavy carbs/sugar I was eating that I was taking 2-6 Imodium pills A DAY! Before going out to eat I would take (2) just to keep everything at bay. Insane!

After eating a meal, I would become lethargic. Completely out of it. I would blame it on digesting but it was basically me going into some sort of insulin shock.

My back was constantly hurting. I was laying on a heating pad at night before bed. Standing for a long period of time was so painful. I blamed it on being 40 and sciatic nerve pain. When I reality it was all the extra weight I was carrying around.

My skin was constantly breaking out. I blamed fertility meds, hormones, makeup... never thinking it was my lack of vitamins and just poor food choices.

I was tired all the time. I would barely be able to get up in the morning - I would hit a wall at work around 3:00 (hence the snacking), I would barely keep my eyes open past 8:00 at night. Never felt rested. Never thought it was because I was giving myself Sleep apnea.

So I was done. I decided to enjoy the holidays - my last hurrah - and then on January 1st to change my life.

I knew myself and knew I had to be all in. No cheating. No half ass starting. No reasons to quit anymore. Enough was enough.

• Everyone has their moment.

• Every addict has their rock bottom.

• Mine was a culmination of many things - but eventually the avalanche of the last 15 years of my life took over and I was done.

I don't know what your rock bottom is.

Keto helped me in more ways than I can ever describe. Its not a diet to me.

I have to eat this way.

For you, it may be a short term solution to an issue. More power to you! Keto helps with weight loss, first and foremost. So do what works for you!

I would love to hear your stories - comment below!